HOW TO DEAL... (Emo-ed?)

I've been down the whole week. As in buong week. I've been crying myself to sleep every night. I wake up still with tears in my eyes. I go to school with my mask, hoping nobody would notice what's bothering me. I survived the whole week with only two people asking me if I was okay...and I'm fine with that. Actually, I'm thankful that only two people noticed...uh, they won't even know it if I din't ask for their help.

Me: Sana naging clown na lang ako.
Jino: Para matawanan mo sarili mo? Ahahaha.
Me: Hindi. Gusto ko maging clown para naman may mapasaya ako.

Had that conversation with Jino a few days back. I've thought about it. I realized that that's not the only reason why I wanted to be a clown. I want to be a clown so I can hide my loneliness behind that green hair, red nose and big, red, phony smile drawn to my face. I don't want people to see that I'm breaking. It's hard to put that act up. Especially for me.

Hai.





Excess: I'm planning of moving to Xanga.

Pagbigyan niyo na ako.

FUCKIN' PHILOSOPHY PAPER.

Yesterday.

We had our last CWTS session yestermorning (November 19). We went back to Barangay Tagumpay and presented our project proposal. Since I wasn't there last meeting, I din't know that the proposal's name was The Lasallette...or something like that. Hahahaha.

So anyway, after that, the jeep dropped us at Gateway. We planned to watch Harry Potter 4. But then again, everyone seemed to have the same plans for that Saturday. So we finally decided to go to G4 and try our lucks there. We got to the cinemas in G4. Guess what? MAS MARAMING TAO. Hahaha. We were thinking on going to Greenbelt to catch the flick but we ended up in Timezone (G4). We had so much fun. Lau, Wey, Jason and I played in the 4-player Wartran Troopers game. After a given amount of time, the game would choose a default name for the players. Lau's name was Commander EAGLE! Hahahaha. Siguro nga Lau was meant to be a bird. Hahahaha. Peace out, Babes! Anyway, after all of us realized na wala na kaming pera, we went to Food Choices. Akalain mong nag-foodtrip lahat. Lau dropped me at Rustan's on the way home...As usual.

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I just want to share to everybody my LSS the whole of last week...

"I should've said no
Someone's waiting for me
But I call my girl up and said:
Listen baby I'm sorry
Just want to tell you don't worry
I will be late don't stay up
And wait for me
Lalalala (Forgot the lyrics. Hahaha)
My battery is low
Lalala (Not sure of the lyrics. Hahaha)
We're going to a place nearby
Gotta go"

Thanks to Wey, the Bonobo Society's been singing either Backstreet Boys or Westlife songs last week. Hahaha.

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SHOUT OUTS

..Ninay, ang sungit mo nung tinext kita nung Saturday. Hmf. Miss you much. Love you.

..Nico, ang saya-saya mo! Woohoo! Nung kinukwento mo sakin sa Ampi nung Friday, sobrang...AHHH! Wala lang. I'm so happy for you. Nasabi mo na. May isang bagay ka na lang na kailangang gawin. Alam mo yun, malamang ikaw nagsabi nun sakin e. Hahaha. Kagulooooo. See you tomorrow. Sayang, hindi ka kasama samin kahapon, sana Wartran Trooper ka rin ngayon. Hahaha. See you!

..Commander Rabbit (ikaw ba yun, Wey?), Agent Crab, reporting for duty. Hahaha. Wala lang! v(",)v Hahaha. Kagulo. Sana makita na natin pics natin. Haha.

..Rach, wala pa akong nagiging prof na ganun pangalan. Di ko rin siya kilala. Hehehe. Wala lang. Di pa kita nakikita sa Taft, ha? Si Jollie madalas ko nakikita sa may UM. Hahaha. Wala lang.

I really don't understand...

Hindi ko talaga maintindihan... WEH. Parang tinagalog ko lang yung title. Hahaha.

"The demand for conclusive evidence is too strong.

Even with the assumption that it can be satisfied, it is beyond our reach in nearly all circumstances of our everyday life."

Isa pa.

"In cases that YOU were mistaken, then YOU have to surrender the same claim.

It means that you do not have the rightful claim to knowledge!"

Those two are most probably from our book in Philosohpy that Jason copied to post in our Yahoo! Groups for the whole block's sake. It's confusing the first time you read it but go through it again and you'll get the essence of it all.

I really don't understand what the problem is. If it is with me (which I know it is), you most definitely have to tell me. After all, involved din naman ako jan. Baka nga ako pa yung pinakamalaking factor kung bakit may problema e. If that confrontation would cause the break-up of our friendship, I think that all of us are the most immature people walking on earth. I mean, we've been friends, what? 2-3 years? Nagtagal tayo ng ganun. If there's something that would break us up, it most definitely won't be this. Masyadong mababaw. And if we're gonna fix this, we don't have to dig up skeletons from the closet because those skeletons would only anger us. Wala nang magagawa pa yung mga yun kundi sirain pa lalo yung friendship natin. Now, if you're closing the door to that possibility of reconciliation and won't accept the apologies, there's nothing we can do. I respect that, kung yun man decision mo but I definitely won't understand any of it. I wouldn't understand why you had to dig up things from the past, why you had to pretend you've accepted the apologies, why you din't want me to know any of these. I'm willing to patch things up, you know. All you have to do is tell me what the hell's wrong and we'll see what we can do. Mahirap mangapa.

Haiii. Bahala na si Batman.

I've been alone all along...NOT!

Did you ever feel that feeling of abandonment? Yun bang wala kang makausap just when you needed someone the most? Yun bang kahit napakaraming tao ang nakapaligid sa iyo, feeling mo mag-isa ka pa rin? Yun bang nakikitawa ka sa mga laughtrip nila pero deep inside you're breaking?

After 5 years (don't ask me what happened 5 years ago pero if you know me well, you'd know what I'm talking about), I suddenly felt that way again. Yung parang niloloko mo lang yung mundo as well as yourself. I've been feeling down these past few days pero I think I've kept it well enough. But then, later today, na-realize ko na I can never keep what's hurting me. It will force itself to come out. I knew those MRT-LRT laughtrip moments would cost me tears later.

Pero you know what? There's always someone who would never leave you. It may sound weird coming from me pero God will always be there. He's gon' bring the rainbow in your sky after the storm. I know that I've doubted him a lot. Kanina lang e. Pero na-realize ko na he's still there. He's the only one who's never gonna leave you hanging.

There's another person, for me, who I know (uh, wish?) would never leave me. Jopet. He's been there for me for the longest time. He's the only person who stayed that long. He's the only person who can stand my attitude.

**Babe, I know we're having a hard time right now. I'm really sorry for acting like a self-centered bitch kanina. I'm just really bummed out by what's really happening. As much as the both of us want to demand, hindi pwede. Hai. I'm really sorry. I know that you know where I'm coming from. Parehas tayo e. I love you so much, Babe. Happy anniversary.

Of course, now, there are my blockmates. The whole Bonobo Society + Jino (lately talaga. Thanks, Crushes!) take my mind off of things.

**Guys, thanks for everything. You guys don't know how grateful I am to be a Bonobo. If it weren't for you, I will always be sulking in class everyday. Thanks for everything.

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SHOUT OUTS.

..TRACE! Bakit ngayon ka lang nagta-tag? Hahaha. Demanding. Wala lang. See you in class.

..KAM! I miss you too! Grawr! Love you, Soulmate!

..NICO! Grawr. Wag ka na masyadong mag-iiisip. Mababaliw ka lang. Hahaha. Basta ang payo ko lang sa'yo... Wala. Hahaha. Hindi ako marunong mag-advice. Hahaha. Kagulooooooo! See you in school, Walts! Hahaha. I love calling you Walts. Wala lang. v(",)v

..DEAN! I'm so damned happy for you. Nahanap mo na sagot sa mga problema mo. Pero tandaan mo: LAHAT NG SOLUSYON MAY KASUNOD NA PROBLEMA. Though I know na kayang-kaya mong lampasan yun. Katrina Imperial Dean pa! I wish you're happy with your life right now...Well, alam kong masaya ka na. I'll miss you, man! Alam ko na magiging busy ka na ngayon and mawawalan na tayo ng bonding time. Basta, if you need me, I'm just a text/phone call away. Love you, dude.

..HAN! I'm happy for you, too. Grabe, ganda ng birthday gift sa'yo ni God! Love you so much, Han! Miss na kita!

Kaguloooooo.

Dayamn, two consecutive days of laughtrip sa MRT-LRT. Kahapon, naghabulan sa Taft station. Kanina, kaguluhan nila Lau at Cor sa pila. Hahaha. Basta, napakarami niyan. Hindi ko na lang maalala lahat. Pero ang alam ko, tawanan ng tawanan lang. Hahaha. Kaguloooooo!

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Anyway, I'm proud to say that I got a 3 (midterm grade) in KASPIL considering the fact na hindi ako nagbabasa ng mga articles... Well, I do read them. Di nga lang seryosohan. Thanks, Sir Delupio! Dati, sobrang ayaw ko siya kasi sobrang uptight niya. Ngayon, he loosened up a bit. Kay saya. Hehehe.

Another thing: Sir Marasigan gave us a 100 on the long test we took a couple of weeks back. He said that it was his Christmas gift to everybody. I don't know if it's our midterm grade (the long test's his only basis of our grades...I think) but nevertheless, I'm soooooo happy. I've never imagined na I'll get a perfect score in a test. Well, technically, I din't talaga. Pero he gave each and every one of us a 100. So that means I get my first 100. Grawr. INSTUDI rocks. I honestly love the subject even without my 100.

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Tonight's ENG night and I'm fuckin' home. I should've been there. Wala lang maghahatid/magsusundo sakin pauwi. Sayang.

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Talked to Nico kanina. Di ko masasabi kung ano pinagusapan namin pero 'twas quite deep.

*Walts, I'm sorry I can't give you any advice. Well, I don't give advice. Di kasi ako marunong. Hahaha. Pero I'll be here if you need someone to talk to. I'll listen, promise.

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U-Break last Wednesday was hella fun. Una sa lahat, Nico went onstage with a his high school polo, a boxer shorts and a pair of leather shoes on. Yep. You've got that right. And you know what's better? He told Joey and Miles (in the morning!!!!) his name. Hahaha. Now everyone in La Salle would remember him. Hahaha. Next, we got pictures with the inseparable radio duo, Joey and Miles. I've uploaded the pics in my Multiply site. Lastly, we (Wey, Ja and I) have pictures with the very pretty Barbie Almalbis. Grabe. Super pretty talaga niya.

We also had our block pic taken last Wednesday. Sayang Jackie was not there. Kulang tuloy Bonobo Society. It was fun. We dressed up like "kids". Yung iba, hindi nagdala. PASAWAY. Hahaha. Kidding. After the pictorial, the Party Animals, Kaymee, Caresse and Jill din't change what they're wearing and went to KASPIL with their pj's. Hahaha. Sir Delupio said that he feels like he's in another dimension. Hahaha.

I saw Anton again, after 2-3 months, on that U-Break. Hahaha. Turned out walang magkaparehas sa sched namin kaya kahit sa loob ng campus hindi ko siya nakikita. Hahaha. Wala lang. Kwentuhan ever. Well, di naman. Mejo lang. Hahaha.

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Damn. Parang wala kaming ginagawa this week. Not that I'm complaining pero feeling ko maraming kailangan gawin for next week. Binigyan lang siguro kami ng buwelo.

Fuckerty.

Grawr. I don't know why but I was really feeling fucked up this morning. I was so harassed, thinking of all those Kyoto Protocol stuff. Annoying. Well, I know that that's not the only thing that's been bothering me. I just don't know what it really is. Grawr. *gigil* I hate thtat feeling. You know, yung super annoyed ka pero you don't know why tas lahat ng tao nabo-bother mo dahil dun? Hai. Wala lang.

Jino, I just had to borrow this line:

"Mahirap talaga pag walang magawa... Kung anu-ano ang naiisip mo..."

I, being my annoying self, thinks about a lot of things when I'm not doing anything. The fact na hindi ko na nakakasama si Jopet (It's been a month since I saw him), the fact na I'm so goddamn maluho and my dad's having a hard time paying my bill, the fact that I'm having a hard time saving money and the list goes on. Pucha, mababaliw ako nito e. Thank God Jopet's there to help me through all of these. Well, there's Lau, Cuyeg, Nico, Jino (lately) and a whole bunch of people who are actually helping me. Thanks, guys. Alam ko puro joketime lang tayo pero yung mga laughtrip na yun takes my mind off things. Thanks.

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Anyway, there was a black-out yesterday. We were in the middle of a volleyball match when the lights in the Sports Complex suddenly died. I felt Kizia hug me when the moment the lights were out and heard the Pep Squad guys shouting... err, screaming for "dear life". Hahaha. Yeah, it was pretty fun. Everyone just stood where they were and waited for their eyes to get used to the darkness (ARTSCHE! Woohoo! Haha.). Lau, Cuyeg and I started to play Tag in the darkness and Lau almost hit the net...Joke! Hahaha. Peace out, Babes. =D After fixing up in the darkest shower room I've been to, we took the stairs to get to the first floor since the elevator was not working and the guys were starting to freak us out. Li'l old me was sooooo scared of everything they'd say. Hahaha.

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Tomorrow, we'll be having our block picture taken. Grawr. Theme's kiddy kiddos in jammy's. Good thing I found something to wear. Wala akong maisip kanina e. Hahaha.

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Lau, Cuyeg, Cor, Jason and I took the bus on the way home kanina. Nakakahilo mag-drive yung driver. Shets.

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I should turn in.

I don't have a title for this entry, really.

Grawr. 7 hours till Han's debut! Can barely wait. Hrmmmm.

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Yesterday, we had this recollection for our confirmation on November 16. Yeah, I know. I'm too old to receive the sacrament. But hell, okay lang yun. Meron nga mga 20 years old na e. Hahaha. So anyway, the recollection was fugly boring it almost bored me to sleep. Inay John (Ms. Sarenas) is my sponsor! Woohoo! Annoying thing was, I din't see her kasi medyo na-late siya. So anyway, went to confession after what seemed like a long time. Well actually, it really was a long time since I had my last confession. The last one was February this year. I was still in St. Paul and that was our last meeting in Ethics... I think. I din't go to confession last Saliksik 'cause I din't think I was ready. But this time around, kinaya ko na. Everytime I go to confession, I cry. I don't know why. Maybe it's the guilt. It probably is. After confession, there was a mass. Weird enough, when the priest started singing at the almost-end part of the mass (May the good Lord bless and blah blah), it started raining. I couldn't laugh, dagflammit. So there. I got annoyed after the mass. Ask Jackie why.

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"The path we have chosen is not an easy one but it is the right one." -DR. CARMELITA I. QUEBENGCO (Executive Vice-President, DLSU-M) on the eligibility issue of two DLSU players.

I think this line goes out to Dean and Ka. Peace out, guys. Love you both.

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Speaking of which, the Green Archers are not playing next season (Hehehe. Patti!) to give way to the investigation. Hrmmm. Sayang. But there's always Season 70. Hahaha. ANIMO LA SALLE!

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SHOUT OUTS

..TRACE! Thanks for dropping by! First time mo ata dito sa blog ko.

..JACKIE! Nakita ko na. About the sibling thing? And tama ka nga. Freaky. Hahaha.

..KAMILLE! Magpunta ka na kasi. Hrmf ka naman e. Hahaha. Love you, Soulmate. Mmiss you much.

..BABY BOY! Sorry kung akala mo sinigawan kita kanina. Di naman kasi talaga e. Haiiii. I love you. Miss na kita.

Ale, remember: Curiosity killed the cat.

I just want to ask...

Bakit ang hamburger, walang ham?

Bakit ang hotdog, walang dog?

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Ang mga "lyricists" ng makabagong panahon...

"It started when we were younger, you were NINE."

"Wake me up when FISHTRENDERLEN."

All Saints'/Souls' Day and the cemetery has huge impacts on people, don't you think? Hahaha. Se sementeryo yang dalawang yan.

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Only in the Philippines...


You would want to go to McDo more often. (McDonald's Tandang Sora)


No Parking. (Manila Memorial Park Paranaque)

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This week's been nothing but a blur...